


lavender kisses

by jayanti



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Christianity, Fluff, Heavy Angst, M/M, Murder, Religious!Dan, murder!phil, pastel!dan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-21
Updated: 2018-08-17
Packaged: 2019-06-14 04:57:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15381147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jayanti/pseuds/jayanti
Summary: dan is a strict christian boy. phil is a murderer.dan is scared of sinning, and yet he finds himself falling for the boy.





	1. sweet, sweet lavender

1973

Daniel Howell, 16 years old

Daniel Howell thought he lived a normal life, with a normal family. He was raised strictly and he was Catholic. The town he lived in was like that, very strictly Catholic. Everyone went to that same little church.

Dan thought his parents were normal, and that it was normal for your dad to beat the shit out of you. It was normal, because you had sinned, and the sin has to be beaten out of you.

Nice, Dan thought. Nice that dad looks out for me and mom, and helps to get rid of the sin. 

Sin was something the 16-year-old boy was always looking out for. ''Sin'', his dad had told him. ''Sin makes you go to hell. Sin is bad, very bad. It makes God hate you''

He was 16 and raised like that, he didn't know any better. He thought that was how every kid was raised. His pastor didn't care. That was mainly how Dan had come to his conclusions

Dan went to that little church three times a week, body full of bruises. The pastor just looked at the boy and smiled at his dad. Dan found everything okay if that made sure he wasn't going to go to hell.

Hell was scary. Hell was worse than dad's punishment. Hell was the worst thing ever. Dan could not imagine what hell looked like, but his mind made the imagery quite well. Dan had difficulties holding back his tears whenever someone said Dan would go to hell.

The trip to church was longer than usual. Something in the air had changed. People were definitely noticing it.

Dan sat in church, next to this boy of which everyone thought he was the devil himself. Dan was so scared of this ''Philip Lester'' of which everyone was scared.

Philip Lester, 17 years old

Phil had grown up in church, but he was never the one to believe in God, heaven or hell. His mom had sued him for that.

Phil was the child people would stay away from because he acted weird.

He was that child people would look at and think he had some kind of mastermind, that he was about to murder everyone at school.

I mean, he probably would murder everyone. Phil Lester was evil.

He had never followed along when singing hymns, he had never joined when praying. People thought he was evil, he was the devil.

Phil is the teen people would be scared of because he had dyed his hair pitch black.

Phil was the teen people thought he was about to murder someone.

And weirdly, Dan found himself attracted to him. He knew it was wrong, so wrong, but there was something so mysterious about Phil. He could not resist his pale skin, his jet black hair and those beautiful blue eyes. 

And his smell. His smell was something his mom described as ''Lavender''

He had never seen lavender, but the scent was so calming, so sweet and yet so sharp.

He wanted to talk to him, he wanted to place his hands all over his skin, breathe in that fresh lavender scent.

sin, sin, sin

His eyes wandered down to his leg, where a piece of a knife was visible. He looked at it for a while.

Phil noticed him staring at his leg and grinned

''Do you like it, sweetheart?''Phil said, eyes going from the knife to the younger boy's chocolate eyes.

Dan stuttered. Why was Phil Lester talking to him, and most importantly, calling him a sweetheart? Phil was going to hell for this.

Phil grinned and looked away while shaking his head.

Dan decided he liked Phil.

>.<

The dark basement that he lay in was colder than usual. He could feel the tension between him and his dad. It smelled of alcohol, and apparently, his dad had seen him talking to ''that Lester boy''

''You and your gay thoughts.'' his dad yelled while kicking the boy in the ribs, who had already curled up in a ball.

His dad didn't stop, he kicked and kicked and slapped until he was sure Dan had broken some bones.

And who was going to pay for the hospital bill?

No one.

His dad left the boy crying and leaking blood, and slammed the door.

Dan had tried climbing on the bed, maybe read the bible again.

He looked up as the room had started to smell like lavender. His mom had stood at the door, holding a bottle of oil.

She had smiled at him and told him it was okay. That it was okay to be afraid of dad, that it was not okay what dad did.

''You are going to be okay, Daniel''

She left the room with a smile and knew how not okay Dan was

And a couple of minutes later he heard his mom cry, yell out at every hard noise Dan heard.

And that was exactly how a normal day in the Howell family went.

Dan clung on to his pillow and the sweet scent of lavender as he tried not to cry himself to sleep. 

That night, he dreamed of a certain black-haired boy that had smelled exactly like Dan's room.

>.<

In the morning Dan had woken up early. He walked through the woods next to the church' graveyard.

The autumn leaves had slightly crunched beneath his feet as he walked further into the woods. The mud on some of the paths had left his pants dirty.

Something was wrong, something was off. He didn't know if it was Phil, his dad or his mom, but something was just very not right.

It had started raining, and the air had started to smell of that fresh rain smell Dan had adored.

Lavender and rain, almost like they were made for him.

He walked further, and deeper until there was no more sign of civilization, and closer to getting significantly lost. He didn't care. God was on his side. He hadn't sinned.

He just liked thinking about boys

In a very non-sexual and very platonic way.

And there, on the very edge of the woods, was the boy he spent hours thinking about, dreaming about.

Phil had looked over the lake, into another little patch of trees, almost looking if there was a purpose for them. He kept looking and looking until Dan was sure Phil's eyes were going to fall out.


	2. oak woods and rivers

Dan had stood there for over an hour, looking at that boy that carried a knife with him at all times, the boy he should actually be scared of, but he was drawn to.

Phil Lester worked like a magnet, attracting the weak and vulnerable.

Phil had drawn the knife from against his skin and had held it in one hand. Dan just observed, and Phil had most likely already remarked him.

'Wouldn't it be nice to just escape this fucking shithole place?' Phil had said. Dan glanced up. So Phil had, in fact, noticed him.

Dan stuttered 'Uhm... I'm. yes... I don't know'

Phil grinned. He looked at Dan and motioned him to come to him. Dan wandered towards him, still kind of startled of the boy.

Dan had hastily said a prayer before sitting next to the boy, his legs drooping off the edge of the lake. He had turned his head to looked at Phil.

''So is it true then?'' Dan had asked. Phil looked over at Dan, his mind blank, face emotionless.

''I don't know, what are you talking about'' Phil answered the boy while smirking. Phil had known what Dan was talking about, Phil just wanted Dan to say it, he knew it made Dan uncomfortable.

''That you, well, worship Satan'' Dan had said, whispering the last part, not wanting to be heard, even though the two of them were miles away from society.

Phil softy dragged the knife he was still holding across Dan's cheek. ''I don't worship anyone, I am going to hell anyway, and I'm dragging you with me, pretty boy'' Phil said. He had given the knife to Dan, who was just admiring it in his hand. Dan had no idea what to do with it.

Phil Lester, the demon child, had just put a knife into Dan's hand. Dan still secretly admired Phil, and Phil had known, for a little over a year now.

Dan fiddled with the knife for a little while. He had grasped the knife in his hand with such strength that it was able to draw blood from the boy's palm. Phil watched as Dan admired the crimson blood flowing from his palm, next to the boy that smelled of lavender.

''Why'd you do that?'' Phil had said, confused but yet entertained. ''You know self-harm is a sin right?'' Phil said, grinning. Dan looked shocked, but the expression faded away from his face pretty quickly

''God'll forgive me. Dad'll help me get rid of the sin.'' Dan said, his voice quieted down. The two looked at the woods opposed them, across the lake that had supposedly the bodies of all sinners laying at the bottom. It was the town's legacy. People came here to kill themselves, God came here to dump bodies of the people that had sinned.

But Dan's father will get rid of the sin. If he just beats him more, all of the sins would flow out of his perfect little body.

Phil knew exactly what Dan was talking about. Something inside Phil made him want to murder Dan's father.

Phil pulled an empty bottle out of his pocket and unscrewed the cap. Dan looked at the bottle, unsure what Phil was about to do with it.

Phil held the bottle underwater and filled it halfway, and pulled it back up. Dan was confused. The water from the lake was cursed, it was 'Unholy water', although Dan wasn't surprised. He was with Phil Lester after all. 

Phil looked at Dan and smiled. He grabbed his hand and with a smaller knife than the one Dan had cut himself with, Phil drew blood from his wrist and held it above the bottle.

Dan stared at the glass as the blood started merging in with the water. It was creepy and Dan had no idea what was happening, but something made him curious and drawn into whatever this mess was.

Phil was something, and Dan loved it.

Every.

Single.

Piece.


End file.
